Dream of the Departed: Meaning and Possible Readings, Gently
Dreaming of a deceased parent or friend is very common during grief. What traditions and psychology say, how to welcome these dreams, and when to ask for help.
Key points
| Typical scenes | A deceased loved one who speaks, smiles, seems alive, asks for something or does not answer |
|---|---|
| Frequency | Very common among bereaved people, according to studies of grief |
| Traditions | The dream of Achilles (Iliad, book 23), festivals of the dead, ancestor worship |
| Psychological reading | Bonds that continue, the work of mourning, memories |
| Key point | These dreams are often a comfort, sometimes a source of pain; each person gives them their own meaning, which cannot be demonstrated |
Dreaming of those who are no longer here
Meeting a parent, a spouse, a child or a friend who has passed away, in a dream, is one of the most widespread experiences of grief. The person is sometimes as they were, sometimes younger, sometimes ill; they speak, smile, look at us, or remain silent. On waking, we are moved, soothed, upset or in tears.
There is no right way to experience this. Some people find comfort in it; others, renewed pain. Both reactions are normal. This page offers reference points, without imposing itself on your beliefs.
The departed in traditions
Almost all cultures maintain ties with their dead, and the dream holds a particular place in this. In the Iliad (book 23), the shade of Patroclus appears to Achilles in a dream to ask for his funeral rites: the dream is the place of encounter with the dead. In the Odyssey (book 11), Odysseus descends to the land of the dead.
Festivals of the dead are widespread: All Saints’ Day and 2 November in Christian countries, the Day of the Dead in Mexico (inscribed on UNESCO’s Intangible Cultural Heritage list in 2008), Obon in Japan. In many societies, the memory of ancestors is kept alive through rites, offerings or prayers. These practices express the continuity of the bond.
Each person’s faith belongs to them. Some believe that their dead visit them in dreams; others see in them memory and imagination. Science describes these dreams as a phenomenon of sleep and grief; it can neither prove nor refute a spiritual experience. If your faith helps you, it is yours.
Be wary, however, of anyone who claims to be able to pass on “messages” from the dead in exchange for money: grief makes us vulnerable.
Psychological readings
Researchers on grief speak of continuing bonds (Klass, Silverman and Nickman, 1996): we do not necessarily sever our ties with the person who has died; we keep an inner relationship with them. Dreams of the departed are part of these bonds. Surveys of bereaved people indicate that these dreams are frequent and often felt to be comforting, though some are painful, particularly if they recall the illness or the final moments.
In Jungian psychology, the deceased person may represent qualities they embodied, which now become a part of oneself to be reclaimed. In psychoanalysis, one speaks of the work of mourning: the psyche gradually integrates the loss, and the dream takes part in this.
The hypothesis of continuity reminds us that we dream of what matters to us. It is therefore normal for a beloved person to return in dreams, especially around an anniversary, a date or an object.
Depending on the context of the dream
| In the dream | Possible reading |
|---|---|
| The deceased is peaceful, in good health | A peaceful memory, a bond that continues, comfort |
| They seem alive, as if nothing had happened | Difficulty accepting the loss, or refusal of it, or joy at finding them again |
| They ask for or say something | What you would like to hear, or what you would like to say to them |
| They are ill, suffering | Memories of the end of life, guilt, difficulty in turning the page |
| You speak to them and they do not answer | Words that were never said, a farewell still to be made |
| They threaten you or frighten you | Anxiety, guilt, or an unresolved conflict |
| You learn of their death once again | Grief is replayed: the mind gradually absorbs the loss |
Some possible readings
- The work of mourning: the mind gets used to the loss.
- A bond that continues, a need for presence.
- Words left unsaid, which you can write down in a letter or a notebook.
- A legacy: values, gestures, qualities that you take up again.
- An anniversary or a memory that awakens remembrance.
Questions to reflect on
- What would I have liked to say to them, or to hear them say?
- What has this person passed on to me that I still live by?
- What simple ritual could help me give them a place (a photo, a candle you never leave unattended, a letter, a walk)?
- With whom can I talk about them?
- What need does this dream express?
For gentle ideas, read Stones to accompany grief, gently: a symbolic object is not a treatment.
Warning and support
Grief has no timetable. If these dreams are very painful, if you can no longer sleep, eat or work, if you feel that life no longer has meaning or you have thoughts of death, talk to your doctor or a psychologist. Bereavement support associations exist in most regions; your town hall or your doctor can point you in the right direction. You do not have to go through this alone.
In distress, 3114 (suicide prevention in France, 24 hours a day, free) answers at any time; in immediate danger, call 15, 17 or 112 (the emergency number throughout the European Union).
Frequently asked questions
Do the departed visit us in dreams?
It is a respectable belief for many people, one that science can neither prove nor refute. Psychologists describe these dreams as part of the work of mourning and of the bonds that continue.
Why do we dream more of our departed on certain dates?
Because anniversaries and festivals awaken memory and emotions, and because we dream of what occupies us.
Is it normal for the deceased to be alive in the dream?
Yes, it is very common. The dream often plays with the reality of the loss, which can make waking painful.
Is this dream a message?
For some people, yes; for others, it is memory. Without claiming to settle the question, you can keep what does you good. Be wary of anyone who sells “messages”.
When should I ask for help?
If the suffering lasts, if your sleep or your daily life is affected, or if thoughts of death appear. Call 3114 in France in case of suicidal thoughts.
Also read
The meanings mentioned belong to tradition and symbolism. They are neither promises of results nor medical advice. Back to Dream dictionary.